Yesterday I brought my Chicago adventure to an appropriate end by missing my flight and almost missing the Girls Girls Girls show I was guesting in. Appropriate because it seems like in a lot of ways this trip has been about stripping down to the essentials and realizing that even when I’m in an uncomfortable situation (unsure lodging, lost debit card, missed plane, lack of talent) I’m okay. There was a moment in the airport where I actually started feeling guilty about how calm I was and started to panic almost out of a sense of obligation to anyone else who might be freaking out (e.g., GGG), but luckily I realized how silly that was and stopped.

The show itself was, to use Jon Bownds’ new favorite t-shirt phrase, meh. Or, more accurately, the show itself was fine but I didn’t really pull my weight. This is only slightly disappointing to me; I knew better than to think that I was going to burst onto the stage at the Hideout and wow everyone with my new improv superpowers. It doesn’t work like that for me anyway, and exhaustion combined with a format that is almost completely different from what I’ve been working on argued against a triumph. So the bad news is that I haven’t turned into an improviser who can step into any show and kick ass. The good news is that this doesn’t bother me. I would have liked to be the poster boy for iO, with which I now feel a strong bond, but that’s not my job.

My graduation performance with my class was naturally far less accomplished than the GGG show, but it was also more emotional, since it represented the culmination of our time together. I wasn’t thrilled with my scenework, but I was proud of us for supporting each other fully and doing what we set out to do. A number of people commented on how great our group mind was, which I attribute almost entirely to Liz Allen. It’s starting to become clear to me how deeply she affected my relationship to improv. I’m now convinced that group mind is everything — “If you’re not connected to the ensemble, you’re not an improviser” — and that’s going to be my priority in any group I play with. Because I’ve seen it work.