I couldn't tell from her tone what she thought. She seemed like she was open to the idea but wanted to know for sure. I refused to commit, in part because I liked her and would have been happy to see her in a non-date-like situation, which is actually my first requirement for wanting to see someone in a date-like situation.

“Well, it could be like a date, but not necessarily.” A third party had gone to get a beer, but he was headed back our way across the patio. My window was closing.

“I like talking to you,” she said, leaning in confidentially. “But I'm not attracted to you.” In vino veritas.

Truly, here was my reaction: ouch and then okay and then thank you. Because even though it stung — how could it not? — it hurt less than it would have later. This is almost always true when you first meet someone, and yet for most people nothing is harder to say: “I'm not attracted to you.” The thing we have the least control over is the thing that feels the most like a personal insult.

But in most cases, “I'm not attracted to you” passes through the Three Gates of Speech without resistance:

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

If everyone could be as honest as the woman by the pool, all the time, the world might be a different and better place.

But we'll never know.